The last time Faye Leveson danced with her son Matthew, who was murdered after leaving Darlinghurst's ARQ nightclub in 2007, it was to ABBA's 'Dancing Queen'.
"I love it, it brings back so many memories," she tells SBS Sexuality. "But at the same time, it makes me sad. I can't hear it without tearing up."
The ABBA classic, along with LMC's disco track 'Take Me to the Clouds Above', which used to play on Matthew's MySpace page, perfectly captured the 20 year-old gay man's zest for life.
This, Faye says, is part of the reason she and her husband Mark look forward to marching in the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras each year.
"We've been doing it for about 7 or 8 years now, we've lost track," she says. "It was Mark's idea, I didn't know if I could do it. But he wanted to march for Matt because he couldn't be there."
These days, the Levesons say they wouldn't miss it for the world - even returning from a recent holiday in Hawaii just in time for this weekend's celebrations. Marching with the Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays (PFLAG) float, the pair have found catharsis in the annual festival.
"I remember the first time, it was a happy experience, but sad as well," Faye says. "Seeing everyone, people recognising us, it was bittersweet."
When Matthew's remains were finally discovered at the Royal National Park in mid-2017, after close to a decade of searching, Faye says there was a new sense of their son watching down on them - particularly during the parade.
"He's watching, he's dancing upstairs with his disco ball," Faye says, recalling Matthew's love for parties. "He had a whole collection of disco lights and strobe lights - he even had his own smoke machine, which nearly killed us all."
Despite the comfort she feels on the night, Faye says that it's still difficult passing the spot her son was last seen alive.
"I still get teary, especially when we walk past ARQ," she tells SBS Sexuality. "But it's more of a celebration these days."
Faye has marched in the Mardi Gras every year with a photo of Matthew hanging around her neck, except for last year's float when she accidentally left the lanyard in her car.
"I was in tears, I still had him in my locket but I was devastated" she tells SBS. "Then I thought, maybe that was his way of saying he was okay."
"This year it's around my neck again. I'll let him have that one, but not this year."
Having spent so many years searching for her son, Faye says the event now feels like a homecoming.
"To have everyone come together, with no nastiness, no name-calling... if only the rest of the year could be more like it."
The Sydney Gay And Lesbian Mardi Gras 2020: Live Stream will be available to watch from Saturday, 29th February 2020 at 07:30 PM.
