As a downcast Andrew headed back to the rest of the kids after a challenging round in the new SBS series Child Genius, his mum Jessica in the audience looked completely at peace.
Later, she said that far from being disappointed, she was, in fact, pleased.
- WATCH: Child Genius airs Monday to Wednesday nights on SBS at 8:30pm, with episodes available to stream anytime at .
“Life is not all about winning,” she said. “Maybe it’s cruel as a mum, but I want him to experience [failure]…I don’t think [winning all the time] is good for his development.”
It’s an astonishing comment in a field full of parents with an understandable thirst for their brilliant offspring to take home the trophy.
But Jessica is right; failure is a vital life lesson, says Dr Kate Burton.
Andrew on Child Genius. Source: Supplied
Dr Burton, a therapist specialising in gifted children and an adjunct lecturer in Edith Cowan University’s School of Education conducting research in relation to the social, emotional and academic needs of gifted students, says gifted children need to learn that failure is part of growth.
“Experiences that help include challenging them in what is called the , a term by a psychologist called Vygotsky.
“Essentially, we need to help expose kids to challenges that are just outside of their comfort zone and provide scaffolding to model how they can achieve in spite of it appearing to be difficult at first.”
“Failure is an essential part of learning that builds resilience. It’s part of the journey towards learning task persistence, so they don’t just give up when something is difficult. Children need to experience eustress (a positive type of stress) to realise that they can overcome failure and succeed.”
A lack self-efficacy and resilience, Dr Burton says, can lead to poor self-esteem which puts them at risk of poorer mental health outcomes.
Practical measures could mean anything from goal-setting to taking on “academic tasks that are slightly too difficult for them...other ways include sport and board games where they risk failing and are supported to keep going in spite of this.”
Balmain mum Melissa Harkin, a coordinator of counselling services at St Patrick’s College, Strathfield, encourages her son Thomas, 11, who has an IQ of 141 (on the 99.7th percentile) to regularly reach outside his comfort zone.
"Life is not all about winning." Source: Supplied
This can mean anything from taking on a new activity or experience, role playing challenging situations or talking about managing emotions if you fail.
“There are times when he will outright refuse. I’ve learned that sometimes he just needs time. He will often go away and think it through, then come back and give something a try.”
“Perfectionism in gifted kids is frustrating for parents and teachers, but also crippling for the child, in that they will outright refuse to try things in fear of failure.
“This is coupled with gifted kids’ sensitivities, so failure can feel akin to death!
“Gifted kids may have super-charged brains, but they must also learn to manage super-charged emotions and feelings that can make life feel like a rollercoaster ride.”
Alan D.Thompson, a consultant for the series, Australian Mensa’s Gifted Children's Coordinator and a life coach specialising in gifted children, said he encourages his clients to celebrate on October 13, a day when people are encouraged to tackle feelings of shame around failure and try new things.
This seeds resilience, an essential life skill. Thompson cites the work of and his studies on perseverance and grit, and that of the work of psychologist Angela Duckworth who models resilience through what she and her husband call the at home.
Over six months, everyone in the household tackles a tricky task, be it learning a new language or instrument or starting a new business.
“Everyone reports back about challenges,” Thompson says.“It allows them to see it’s okay to get things wrong. Failing is part of learning.”
The quiz show will be broadcast over two weeks, with new episodes this Monday to Wednesday at 7.30pm. Miss the first week's three episodes? You can stream them anytime at .
