Dating in a world of 'No Strings Attached': "I want someone to love me for me"

"I don't ask for much, just someone to share memories with, my life with, and to love me for me, all of me."

dane noonan

Dane Noonan. Source: Supplied

Like a lot of twenty-somethings, Dane Noonan wants to find love, but he is tired of online dating.

"The experiences that I've had! A lot of the men… that I noticed on some of the apps are either in open relationships, (and I'm completely monogamous), or they're looking for NSA [no strings attached],"  Dane tells SBS Voices.

While scrolling diligently through Scruff and Grindr, the 26-year-old absorbs the exhaustion of dating by practising self-care, going to therapy and finessing his craft as an actor and model. His work includes starring and producing a short film 'The Little Things', working alongside Rebel Wilson in a campaign; and featuring in ABC Comedy.
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Dane Noonan. Source: Supplied
Noonan, who has a genetic condition known as Maroteaux-Lamy syndrome, that affects growth; says his dating challenges are compounded by the discrimination he has experienced on apps, which at times sees him the recipient of some cutting messages.

"I think from looking at me, they think I'm a child, I can't speak for myself or do they have to look after me?" Noonan says. 

"I have fully accepted myself as a person with a disability and a gay man so I don't really have any issues around that.

"[But] when I go on a date it's almost like the person, they don't know how to take me. They obviously see a four-feet-tall person [and] they don’t know how to interact, and the thing is, I'm quite confident. I am quite extroverted."

Dane is an advocate for encouraging other disabled and queer artists to find their voice. On his talent website, he says he aims to make a difference in the community and to further push the boundaries impacting people, with and without disabilities, to make a positive mark in the film world.

But Noonan admits finding love and opportunities in a disposable online dating culture that privileges hook-ups and unrealistic body ideals can be emotionally draining. 

"Society today, I feel like it paints this perfect picture of what a person is supposed to look like. There's a standard as well, you've got to be over six-feet tall with a masculine build, which is not me, it's never going to be me. 

"I've been on all the apps! I'm sort of taking the time for myself and working on myself. If that man comes along, so be it," he says. 

"I just want it to happen naturally at the end of the day. So as far as dating, that's where I'm at."

Noonan's dream man is respectful, kind-hearted and treats him and his loved ones well. 

"I love going to drag shows. [I want] someone that's quite fun, likes to dance and loves to travel. I also like the small things like going on a picnic, walking my pups, going to the theatre or going for a walk."

Despite the frustrations, Noonan has not lost hope he will find Mr Right soon, either online or the old-fashioned way through social connections.

"I think everyone wants to feel loved," he said.  

"I don't ask for much, just someone to share memories with, my life with, and to love me for me, all of me."

Watch season three of The Swiping Game, airing on SBS in February.



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3 min read
Published 5 October 2022 10:22am
Updated 2 March 2023 1:03pm
By Sarah Malik


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