State of Origin Game 2 has once again captured the attention of Rugby fans over the weekend, with an impressive win by the NSW Blues.
In what was an action-packed game, many of the National Rugby League's (NRL) best players took to the field to battle it out, and it was clear that the Blues dominated as they used their superior speed and footy skills to get the win.
Former rugby league and union player Sonny Bill Williams was one of the game's elites in his day. Fast, naturally talented and standing at almost two metres tall, SBW was a domineering and powerful force on the field. But he was of a rarer breed. He possessed the ability to switch codes from league to union and back again almost seamlessly, and yet retained the skills to dominate in both codes.
Sonny Bill Williams' skills on show as he dodges a tackle (Source: AAP)
Mental health struggles
But for Williams, the change of codes came not because the former player simply wanted to try something new, rather it came as a necessity in his life.
Asked why he walked out on a million-dollar contract with the Canterbury Bulldogs in 2008, the former footballer told Living Black’s Karla Grant it was ‘to escape an intolerable situation’ where he was suffering from poor mental health.
“I didn't know what mental health was. I didn't understand why I would wake up in the morning disgusted in myself. I almost felt depressed, but I didn't know it was [the] struggle signs of mental health.”
Feeling the urge to run away and start fresh, Williams moved to France in 2009 to play with French Rugby team Toulon, under the tutelage of Tana Umaga and former England captain Johnny Wilkinson.
Yet the mental health problems that plagued Williams in Australia soon emerged again in France.
“The funny thing about it was when I got to France, the struggles were looking right back at me in the mirror, but now I understand that I was trapped through my own selfish decisions.”
Karla Grant speaks with Former Rugby Player Sonny Bill Williams on Living Black (Source: Living Black)
A bittersweet youth
Williams grew up in public housing in Auckland during the mid 1980s as the son of a Samoan man and white mother. Life was simple, but despite struggles at home, Williams remembers it fondly.
“I had what I thought was an amazing childhood, but there was struggle when you're in a household and you're living paycheck to paycheck. [I had] a goal, which was buying my mum a house with wallpaper.”
But Williams found it difficult to fit in, being of mixed-race heritage.
“My mom was white, red head and freckles. My dad was a dark islander man with an afro. So back in the '80s they would have turned a few heads. I didn't understand it.
"All I understood was, I didn’t feel like I quite belonged. Like I connect with these Islander boys, but look at my skin. And okay, I'm white, but I'm not as white as most people. I always felt like I had to prove myself.”
Williams would find his confidence even at a young age on the football field, often trying to take on the biggest kid.
Sonny Bill Williams as a child(centre) with his siblings and Mother in New Zealand (Source: Supplied)
“That's where the shoulder charge came from. But that's where the drive came from. When the other guys would finish training and go home, I'd stay on the field and keep training.”
But confidence would be fleeting for Williams. While staying at a care home he was horrendously burnt on both of his legs, leaving him scarred.
“I remember going to school, and you could wear shorts or pants, and I was wearing shorts that day, and some girls turned around saying, 'Oh, look at his legs, look at his legs.' And it really had a bit of a traumatic effect on me. From that day on I wore pants every day until I dropped out of school.”
The trauma remained with Williams throughout high school. The teenager would find himself at times crippled with self-doubt, that he wasn’t good enough. But as a self-described ‘glass-half-full kinda guy’ Williams was always looking for something to drive him.
“I flipped [my scars] on its head, in the sense of how I used it as a drive. I was a tall, skinny kid, but I used the thinking ‘if I've got scars on my legs, they're going to muscly scars’. So I’d go above and beyond with training.”
Sonny Bill Williams as a teenager (Source: Supplied)
Success, at a cost
Williams pushed himself to be the best even from a young age. By the age of 14, the teenager would find himself signed with the Canterbury Bulldogs. He himself could hardly believe it.
“Some talent scouts came and they saw me playing, and they said, ‘This guy's got a bit of talent.’ So they offered me a contract as well as my mate. But my low self-esteem issues were like 'They're just giving it to me because of my mate, or they feel sorry for me.'"
Williams pushed through the self-doubt, and by 18 was playing in first grade for the Bulldogs, eventually going on to win a premiership in 2004 for the club.
Despite the highs of the game and his success on the field, the off-field lifestyle slowly got the better of Williams with the rugby player partying hard.
Sonny Bill Williams celebrating his 2004 NRL Premiership win with the Canterbury Bulldogs (Source: Supplied)
“At that time in my life, I was living a life where it was boundary-less. I was young; I had wealth, and all those things were hard to say no to. The way I lived my life on the field, I took off the field as well; that's how it was done in the early 2000s. At that time I knew that I was on a path of destruction, and I was scared.”
Williams believes that eventually the partying lifestyle caught up with him, leading to him facing a deep depression in what he felt was a never-ending cycle of negativity.
“I used to feel disgusted in myself. But at the same time I wasn't confident to say, ‘I'm struggling here.’ I was being selfish and still saying yes. I wasn't saying no to any of it [the drugs and alcohol].”
Finding faith
It would take meeting his now friend and manager Khoder Nassar that would cause a dramatic change in Williams’ life. Khoder, an Islamic man, shared his culture and faith with Williams, and over time it would strike a chord with the rugby player.
“Although I had Islam around me, it was hard to walk away from that lifestyle of the rich and the famous, the selfish way that I was living at times, because it's hard. But gradually I understood [Islam].”
Sonny Bill Williams with friend and Manager Khoder Nasser (Source: Supplied)
As Williams came to terms with his faith, he also realised his mental health was no good. Williams would take the chance and make a break for France in news that stunned the football world in the hope he could escape his demons.
Asked by Karla Grant if he overcame the question of mental health and search for meaning in France, the former rugby player was certain in his answer.
“Faith answered all of that for me. Faith did. It gave me the ointment, the extra medicine for my soul rather than just the sticky tape that I was accustomed to putting on.”
Sonny Bill Williams with his wife Alana Raffie (Source: Supplied)
A future in 'the square office'
Williams rugby career would see him switch between codes throughout the 2010s, seeing him win another premiership with the Roosters in the NRL and an All Blacks World Cup title.
2020 spelled the end of Williams' rugby career, when a combination of the COVID-19 pandemic and long-term injuries forced the great to retire.
Boxing would become the new calling for Williams, something he says he entered into out of necessity.
“I was in a million dollars debt. I had to pay some of it off somehow, and the opportunity came with Anthony Mundine and Khoder, but it lit a fire in me that I haven't been able to put out.”
Williams has already begun to make a name for himself in the boxing ring. Earlier this year he would defeat former AFL player turned boxer Barry Hall by KO in the opening 2 minutes of their bout, likely ending Hall’s career.
Williams has also won big overseas, winning a Boxing NZ Heavy Weight Championship title.
“For me boxing, it's so daunting, but it's so empowering. I respect anyone who gets into the square office because it's a really daunting place. For a guy that's grown up playing rugby where you have 14 or 12 other blokes that will back you up if you're having a bad day, but in that boxing ring it's just me and him, and if you miss, you're going to get clipped or you're going to get knocked out.”
Sonny Bill Williams in the boxing ring (Source: AAP).
For Williams, the goal posts have changed: boxing looks set to be his future and it’s a future where he’s focussed on being the best.
“In the past I put my mind to Rugby wholeheartedly, but I've never done it with boxing and I've still been able to achieve some great feats, and that was after three months of training. So I've always thought what if I do it for 12 months or 24 months and see where I go? So that's what I'm going to do.”
The full conversation can be viewed on NITV’s Living Black, Monday 27th, June 2022 at 8:30pm or on SBS On Demand.
Karla Grant with Sonny Bill Williams after discussing the launch of Williams' new autobiography (Source: Living Black)
If this article has raised issues for you, call Aboriginal support line 13 YARN on 13 92 76 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.
