Vinh and his partner chose a house over a wedding. Is this the new norm?

'Wedding, house, baby' was once the order of relationship markers, but the cost of living has scrambled the life plans of many couples who are no longer following the script.

More young people are choosing to buy a home before getting married. Source: SBS / Caroline Huang

In previous generations, relationships typically followed this order: engagement, wedding, house, kids. This is changing, with 'cozzie livs' rearing its ugly head.

Vinh Truong and his partner flipped the narrative when they purchased a house before tying the knot.

Truong, 30, told The Feed the pair were engaged, but the marriage itself was put aside.

"We definitely prioritised the house first. Weddings these days cost easily 30 grand as the bare minimum," Truong said.

Truong and his partner eventually married but chose only to hold a legal ceremony. They delayed their reception in favour of paying off their mortgage.

It's easy to see why more couples are doing this. The average price of a home in Australia is now $959,300 – rising from $563,100 in 2014 — according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. Interest rates are not expected to lessen unless inflation eases.

Like a marriage, a mortgage bound Truong and his partner together.

"We spent two months just making a garden the way we wanted it to be. That way, we spend a lot of time together too. And every day I come home and we can call it our home."

Truong believes his generation has shifted their views on marriage.

The suburbs with the largest variances in house prices over five years to April. Source: SBS

"They don't take it as seriously … they don't feel like they have to bind themselves to some sort of written agreement to be with someone … it's more of a mental belief," he said.

Dan Woodman, a professor of sociology at the University of Melbourne, said a major reason for a change in the order couples take major steps is simply having more of a choice — and being pushed to make a decision.

“That kind of really linear: 'you must follow these steps', has become messier … more open,” he said.

Woodman said it's more socially accepted for people to consider their options.

"Being forced to make decisions, it's like, well, what am I going to prioritise now if I can't get married and buy a house at the same time?"

Woodman said part of that choice is having the luxury of testing the waters: couples seeing how they deal with living under the same roof before marriage.

The average Australian spends $40 of every $100 earned on their mortgage, according to Domain. Source: SBS

"There's that idea of, you should try living together not just for six months … make sure it's really working."

He said it's more complicated and expensive to separate joint ownership of a home than dissolving a marriage.

Try before you buy

In 1975, 16 per cent of married couples lived together before marrying. By 2017, this increased to 81 per cent, according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies.

This change suggests people are keen to establish compatibility with partners before "signing on the bottom line", according to relationship expert and researcher Raquel Peel.

"It's a big gamble to get married to someone and then try a life together under the same roof," Peel said.

She said buying a home has become a bigger commitment than marriage: possibly a "lifetime" joint financial burden and a major factor in relationship breakdowns.

The average price of a home in Australia is $959,300, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. Source: SBS

"It's essentially saying, 'I'm committed to this relationship forever,'" Peel notes.

“Joint ownership, sharing bank accounts, having two comfortable incomes … sustains people... you can trust and rely on one another."

Not to mention the cost of weddings.

"People want the big party — but realistically … how important is that for people?"

Indefinitely engaged

Some couples are engaged but in no rush to choose a wedding date — if they set a date at all.

Sarah (not her real name) is 37 and isn't married, but shares a child, a dog and, you guessed it: a house, with her partner.

Even her father has changed his views on marriage, she told The Feed.

"When we were celebrating buying the house, my dad literally said, 'You don't need to get married now — this is your marriage right here.' We definitely felt that too. It was a big commitment and a big step together," Sarah said.

Sarah was surprised when her partner recently proposed to her. "I didn't expect him to propose to me at all, the way interest rates have been going," she said.

It takes about five years for a couple to save for a house in Australia. Source: SBS

"I guess marriage was traditionally about expectations: family, or religious, or you've fallen pregnant … None of those have really compelled us to get married to this point. And I don't think we're alone, a lot of people are in the same situation as us.”

While marriage may once have marked the moment a couple would consider having children, Sarah got pregnant the week they moved into their new home.

"The living together aspect was really full-on. And yeah, it was definitely a trial prior to marriage, as was getting a dog prior to having a baby."

She doesn't expect to marry before 2027, and sees the wedding mainly as a party.

"The most important part of getting married is really about having an opportunity to celebrate your love with family and friends," she said.