Work is still one of the most common ways we meet our partners. On Insight, we explore romantic relationships in a variety of workplaces and ask: How much say should employers have over our love lives? Watch Love at Work on Tuesday 1 August at 8.30pm on SBS or on .
When Liv and Tim Arnold met while working on the same team at a big four bank 11 years ago, they decided to keep their budding relationship a secret.
They had already been friends for a year when their romance blossomed, thanks to "flakey" work friends who failed to turn up to dinner or drinks.
“This was purely by coincidence, and it made us get to know each other on a more personal level without other people around,” Liv told Insight.
Liv and her now-husband Tim told their colleagues about a month after they started dating and their manager not long after, who didn't have any concerns.
"Our boss was great. He was very supportive," Tim said.
"He actually said he wasn't surprised we entered a relationship. There were probably a few people in the office who thought maybe we were destined for each other, in a way."
But not all workplace relationships are as smooth.
When Liv and Tim Arnold told their boss about their relationship, he was very supportive, despite them being in the same team at the big four bank they worked for. Source: Supplied
Navigating the difficulties of an on-off relationship in the workplace
Oscar* has been managing an "on and off" relationship with a woman at work for the past three years.
Apart from confiding in a couple of close friends at work, he and his partner have tried to keep their relationship a secret, so they aim to keep any work interaction purely "transactional".
"I think the biggest thing to make it work is …. boundaries in the workplace, focusing very much on work itself. And spending quality time outside of work," Oscar told Insight.
But he says they find it "difficult", especially when they're going through an "off" period in their relationship.
"It's full-on because you are constantly around each other. And you don't get the space that you need to process emotions."
"The water cooler chat, I don't know how to dial it up or dial it down. I'm just like, 'How's your day?'
"And then, outside of work, we know each other inside out."
Do workplace romances work?
Despite the rise in online dating, workplace romances remain common, whether they are flings or catalysts for long-term relationships.
The Centre for Professional Wellbeing’s practice director Hamada Els says a couple who work for the same company often have plenty to talk about.
“There’s a lot of shared interests, a lot of proximity, and also a lot of time to form those closer bonds and perceptions,” the Sydney psychologist told Insight.
Based on the statistics, a significant number of romantic relationships that begin in the workplace are successful, he said.
Judith Beck, who has worked in recruitment for more than 25 years, is less positive about workplace romances.
"They didn't end well for probably 95 per cent of the people that I've spoken to over the years," she told Insight.
“It ended in tears, or some kind of reputation problem.”
She says her golden rule is "don't do it".
What are the rules around romantic relationships at work?
There's no law against workplace relationships and it's not typical for companies to have a policy specifically relating to workplace relationships, Maurice Blackburn principal lawyer Mia Pantechis says.
However, most companies will have a code of conduct that deals with conflicts of interest.
"Employment contracts themselves may contain obligations to disclose and manage conflicts of interest,” Pantechis told Insight.
Typically, these contracts don’t just cover actual conflicts, but any that might be potential or perceived as well.
“There might also be disclosure obligations where employees have to proactively identify and disclose conflicts,” the Sydney-based employment lawyer said.
I think that HR would love to wave a magic wand and say to everyone, 'No office relationships.'Tim Arnold
Conflicts of interest are usually seen in hierarchical relationships where one person is in a position of power and has some authority over the subordinate employee’s pay, promotion or projects, she added.
Beck, who has penned a book called No Sex at Work to help people navigate workplace relationships, says they can end up causing reputational damage, can be detrimental to career progression, and can cause headaches for the organisation.
“If one person is really unhappy after their relationship is broken up, then they may have cause to say, ‘I'm being harassed now', or, 'I'm being discriminated against'," she said.
“It's the organisation that will have to take the brunt of that.”
But Pantechis says a breakdown of a consensual relationship won't automatically lead to a sexual harassment claim.
“Sexual harassment and consensual relationships are very different concepts, the key difference there being the issue of consent," she said.
'Businesses just have to deal with it'
Beck's advice to those pursuing an office romance is to consider the potential consequences of a fallout, and find out the exact policies at the workplace, which typically means disclosing the relationship to HR or your boss.
Oscar says he wouldn't consider a self-ban on relationships in the workplace.
"That would require me to not be my authentic self at work, and not want to really get to know somebody else."
Around a third of people in long-term relationships meet their partners at work, with many more having had flings with a colleague, according to a Sydney psychologist. Source: Getty / Image Source
"Because you're spending so much time with somebody, you really get to see them at the highs and the lows, and you get to build a proper relationship with them."
Liv and Tim say they would have quit their jobs to pursue their relationship had their company’s code of conduct not allowed them to be together.
Tim admits work romances can be tricky for employers to manage.
"I think that HR would love to wave a magic wand and say to everyone, 'No office relationships, no office romances,'" he said.
"But I think we're all human, and people fall in love. And businesses just have to deal with that."
* not his real name.
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