Content warning: this article contains references to domestic violence, sexual assault, and infanticide.
When Akoi Chabiet's mother packed her four younger siblings into the back of their family's four-wheel-drive for an afternoon at their grandmother's house in 2015, it was just another regular Wednesday.
Akoi didn't know it'd be the last time she'd see her three youngest siblings alive.
Witnesses said Akon Guode, Akoi's mother, repeatedly circled a local lake in Melbourne's western suburbs before driving into the water. Her set of four-year-old twins and 16-month-old son all drowned, while their older sister then aged five, was rescued by passers-by.
Akoi says she became a mother overnight.
"My life changed a lot. I became my sister's guardian. I was just a young girl, fresh out of high school and I had to make a big sacrifice to just drop everything because I didn’t want my siblings to go into foster care," she said.
"I felt like it was just kids raising kids."
Enrolled in university with ambitions to pursue a business degree at the time, Akoi had to drop out and get a job to care for her younger sisters.
"When you finish high school, you have goals, you're really driven and passionate. I was really excited but unfortunately, sometimes our plans just don't go the way we want them to," Akoi said.
"It was really hard for me but I just had to keep going. I had to step up and carry on where my mum left."
'I felt like we were stranded by the community'
Court proceedings revealed Guode lived an "extraordinarily difficult life" and experienced extreme trauma during Sudan's civil war where she witnessed her husband shot dead. She was also troubled by memories of being raped until she was unconscious.
She fell into a deep depression after the birth of her youngest son, following life-threatening pregnancy complications.
The story's impact reverberated in the South Sudanese community for weeks as they rallied behind the family, but Akoi says she'd never felt lonelier.
"I honestly felt like we were stranded by the community a little bit honestly. Everyone came to the funerals, but nobody really wanted to believe that mental illness was part of the reason," she said.
"Being South Sudanese, we're told not to express our feelings or talk about things that are bothering us. We don't even have a word for trauma in my language, maybe I just don't speak good Dinka but as far as I know, we don't."
Akon Guode was jailed in 2017 for 26 years and six months after she drove into a Wyndham Vale lake, killing her four-year-old twins Hangar and Madit and 16-month-old son Bol. She was later resentenced to 18 years after an appeal. Source: AAP
"There exists a stigma for many people in relation to seeking help for mental health problems," a spokesperson for the not-for-profit told SBS.
"There may be a reticence because of fear of being misunderstood. In those situations, people can suffer in silence and pressures can mount over time and lead to more serious mental health crises."
STARTTS recognise the importance of cultural sensitivity and awareness and it’s important in the attempt to erode said stigma around the topic.
"Australia's mental health support services are largely informed by Western conceptualisations of psychology and mental health, so it may be difficult for people from diverse cultural backgrounds to see the relevance or be confident in mental health support services to resolve their situation."
Dr Danny Sullivan was the lead consultant forensic psychiatrist on Guode's case and his analysis of her mental condition was a "powerful mitigating factor" in her final sentencing.
In reports he submitted to the court, he believed "her mind was disturbed by depression".
"In my opinion, depression impaired her capacity to exercise appropriate judgment, and her capacity to think clearly and make calm and rational choices," he said in a report.
"I consider that her capacity to appreciate the wrongfulness of her conduct at the time was impaired. The intent of the behaviour was obscured."
Victorian Supreme Court judge Lex Lasry also concluded it may remain "a tragic mystery" that was "the product of extreme desperation, rather than any form of vengeance".
'I can't defend my mum from the whole world'
It's been nine years and Akoi says she feels she’s just starting to pick up the pieces of her life again.
She's had two twin boys of her own and returned to university, this time choosing to pursue nursing after being inspired by the years she spent caring for her youngest sister, who was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of four.
"I want to set an example for my siblings, I want to be able to like give my little sisters and my boys what my mum couldn't," Akoi said.
Trying to grieve her siblings and her mother's absence at the time, Akoi says she had to delete her social media accounts and completely disengage from the news.
She says the lack of trigger warnings when it came to the coverage of the case felt like she was reliving that day over and over again.
These days, she says trigger warnings are one of the most helpful tools when it comes to protecting her mental health.
Akon Guode's case is one that many find hard to forget, and it’s one that Akoi felt loomed above her identity for a very long time despite trying to move on.
"It's something that I feel like everyone associates with me, especially in the community. It can get a bit annoying sometimes but I believe whatever happens to you doesn't define you. That's not who you are," she said.
"I don't want to be what happened to my family. It is sad, but that's not who I am."
A tattoo that reads "resilient" is scribbled across Akoi's wrist in her handwriting, a word she feels like defines her.
"It's a daily reminder for myself," she said.
"When I look at it, it just reminds me of everything I’ve overcome, reminding me I can literally accomplish anything I want in life."
Watch Insight's episode Trigger Warning, exploring whether trigger warnings are helpful, or do more harm than good, on .
Readers seeking support with mental health can contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. More information is available at . supports people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.
