"Put yourself in that person's shoes. You've got to understand what that person is going through, before you say anything critical about them."
It was a fundamental moral principle on which Andrew and Renata Kaldor were both raised.
Andrew was one when he and his family fled war-torn Hungary to the Austrian border, with the help of people smugglers and forged documents. Upon reaching the border, they were confronted by a three-man Austrian patrol.
“You may as well kill us – we’re not going back,” Andrew’s father said. They were so desperate for freedom they were willing to die for it.
The patrol mentioned they were walking past a village on the way back to their base, and the family could follow them there. The Kaldors managed to obtain visas and ended up in Australia in 1948.
Renata was 18 months old when her family escaped to Vienna in 1949, following the communist takeover of Czechoslovakia. Her Jewish father was a prisoner in Auschwitz only a few years earlier.
"I remember one of the things my father said to me [about] when he was in the concentration camp…He said to me, 'People knew what was going on here, but nobody spoke up for us.'
“When Tampa came…I had those words in my head, and I thought very strongly that we have to speak up, because what was happening was something that happened before, and if good people stay silent, bad things happen.”
The controversial Tampa affair in 2001 caused outrage when the Howard Government refused the MV Tampa, a Norwegian freighter, to enter Australian waters to bring 438 rescued refugees to shore. It eventually led to the Kaldors establishing a centre for refugee law.
Growing up in 1950’s Australia
The White Australia Policy was still in full effect when Andrew and Renata arrived. While they weren’t explicitly discriminated against, the policy meant there was widespread ignorance of other cultures, even European ones.
“Beginning of every year, we had to stand up in primary school and say what our name was. And Renata was a very uncommon name. And I remember the teacher say to me, "No dear, not your surname, your Christian name."”
“‘Renata’ was always my nightmare,” she said.
Another point of difference was the fact that both parents had to work to provide, rather than just their father.
“This was frowned upon back then.” Renata was embarrassed that she had to go off to Aunty Gerder’s, a child-minding centre, while all the other kids were met at the gate by their stay-at-home mums. However, she admits it was this facet about her mother that made her a proud feminist today.
“My mother, at a very early age, had to be a very strong woman. She had to work, she had to look after two children while my father was away quite a lot. I think it was seeing her struggle and succeed in a very positive way.”
Both Andrew and Renata appreciated their childhoods and the values their parents instilled in them.
Renata (INSERT POSITION) with her mother and sister in Source: Supplied
"I think if you've gone through deprivation and war, I think you become very much part of that empathetic universe."
The Kaldors attribute their generous streak to their upbringing. Witnessing the worst of humanity brought out the best in their families.
“Very soon after my parents settled, they took in another family from Hungary who managed to escape," Andrew said. "After the revolution in Hungary, my grandparents came out as well. And then my parents took in another lady who escaped, so we had a very, very full household growing up.”
Similarly, Renata’s family “didn't have much money, and we survived very well. But my mother would not say no to a travelling salesman. If someone came to the door, we were very, very much Salvation Army. All the time, we would give money to people poorer than us.”
A fifty-year marriage
Coming from a similar cultural background helped forge the bonds of their fifty year marriage.
"I think it helped us both being from a European family," Renata said. "And I remember coming home to my father and said, 'I've met a nice boy named Andrew Kaldor,' and Dad said, 'Oh I know his father!' which was interesting. So there was a connection. It was actually quite nice because we both ate foreign food, and we both spoke a different language.”
Since then, the Kaldors have devoted themselves to numerous causes, ranging from business, to medical research, to education, to the arts. It’s their sheer desire to help others that keeps them together.
The Kaldor's at Renata's graduation ceremony in (INSERT DATE) Source: Supplied
Now with two kids and four grandchildren, they are set on keeping their parents' generosity alive for the next few generations.
“That's sort of influenced the way we live, the way our children live, not to forget where we came from, not to forget your humanity towards others," Renata said.
A first for refugee law
The controversial Tampa affair in 2001, sparked their drive in ensuring refugees were fairly represented in media, politics and academia.
“There was so much misinformation about basic facts: the number of people, where they were coming from, what the cost was,” Andrew said.
In 2013, the couple helped establish the UNSW Andrew & Renata Kaldor Centre For Refugee Law, the world’s first institution to specialise in refugee law.
“The importance of the Centre is that it actually deals with international refugee law and it's not just focused on the domestic or our region here. It's to do with the world," Renata said. "It's been recognised now as a repository of information on refugee law, and I think it's had a huge impact here.”
Andrew and Renata with Director of UNSW Andrew and Renata Kaldor Centre for Refugee Law Jane McAdam (middle) Source: Supplied
Out of these discussions, they hope to find solutions. They want to advocate for refugees, who are often criticised and slandered.
“It's not the way that Australians treat other people," Andrew said. "You can only do that if you treat other people at a great distance, and you dehumanise them, which is what's happening here."
“You might not be able to solve the problems of the world, but even if we help one or two or five or ten people have a better life, I think that's really important.”
‘It’s your make up’
While they call themselves Australians and regard this country as home, they believe their European heritage and their refugee background are inseparable from their identity.
“It's part of who you are and what you are, and it's your make up," Renata said. "It's your genetic. It's your emotional. It's your physical.”
“You can't separate it," Andrew said. "You are the sum of all your experiences in some way or other.”
The three-part documentary 'DNA Nation' premieres on SBS on Sunday 22 May at 8.30pm, and afterwards on SBS On Demand.
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