When we think about family violence, most of us think about physical abuse. But Michael Riley, a senior counsellor at Relationships Australia, tells The Feed that family violence plays out across a spectrum of abuse – and early detection of ‘control issues’ can save lives.
“It can be a man stopping his wife from going out with her friends on a Friday night, or tracking and limiting the purchases she makes for the family. […] Men need to ask themselves, ‘What is it about me that needs to maintain control in this relationship and how can I let go of that control?’”
And it is men who need to ask themselves the hard questions, says Mr Riley. “While there are women who commit family violence, the stats show it’s very much a man’s issue.”
Jerry participated in group therapy with Relationships Australia and this is what he about his experience:
“It’s really interesting seeing the new guys come in [to group therapy] and say things like, ‘Look, it's not like I punched her. I just slapped her with an open hand’ or 'I didn't smash the mug on her. I just smashed it on the wall beside her. It’s not violence, it’s just me venting.’ That’s the kind of minimizing that is so common among guys – we tell ourselves what we need to hear to make it bearable to live with ourselves.”
